Why Erik plus fatherhood equals NO
Christine: Erik, I'm going out to the garden for a moment; read Gustave a story, will you?
Christine: Erik! How perfectly awful of you. Read your son his story!
Erik: No. I will not.
Erik: The story is entirely implausible. I will not.
Christine: It's a fairy tale! It's meant to be implausible.
Erik: It is nauseating garbage that annihilates scientific fact in one fell swoop. Supposing that beanstalks could extend into the stratosphere, which, naturally, they cannot, should Jack attempt to climb it, he would die from lack of oxygen or asphyxiation the moment he reaches the summit.
Christine: *teeth gritted* Just read him a story while I water the azaleas.
Erik: It is---
Christine: NOW. *leaves*
Gustave: *waits in innocent anticipation*
Erik: *watches Gustave wait in innocent anticipation*
Gustave: *still waiting in innocent anticipation*
Erik: Your innocent anticipation is irritating.
Gustave: Are you going to tell me a story, Daddy?
Erik: Damn it all. Very well. Once upon a time, there lived a princess who by all accounts ought to have been beautiful but who was actually cross-eyed and prone to drooling due to generations of blue-blooded inbreeding. One day, while sitting in her chambers, she asked her conveniently-placed magic mirror when her long-awaited handsome prince would arrive to spirit her away to years of happily-wedded bliss. The mirror answered that it could not speak because it was an inanimate object and even if it could, it would not squander its time speaking to cross-eyed, air-headed princesses who likely suffered from psychological disorders that fostered delusions of speaking mirrors. Also, the mirror continued, your prince is never going to arrive because it is 1347 and the plague has just arrived on the shores of Italy, killing your would-be suitor after his bulging buboes burst in a crescendo of festering blood and pus and his extremities fell off withered by gangrenous rot. So the princess never married her prince, and later contracted the plague herself after infected rodents invaded her bedchamber. The end.
Erik: You are being psychologically traumatized rather uncouthly. Close your mouth this instant.
sarahshobbitholeintheshire asked: Don't feel bad on posting something that you're feeling nervous/anxious about! My dear we are all praying for you, I know I will be! Do you mind if I ask for your dad's name? It'll make the prayer a little better for me...I'm kind of a Christian healer so if I have his name the prayer will work. I hope that makes sense :)
hpphans: what if raoul didn’t have fine horses though like what if christine went outside and it was just like
hpphans: i wonder who actually bought the chandelier? my headcanon is that madame giry spent all of her money on that baby and just like made it into a fort and now she lives inside of it
A million thank yous for all your warm words and well-wishes; I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. Truly, thank you. It means a lot, especially for my dad.
hpphans asked: Hey, love. We are both keeping your dad in our thoughts <3 Our ask box is always open if you need somebody to talk to, so please feel free to drop us a line if you need any support or anything, ever! We have a friend whose dad went through something very similar recently, so we can definitely relate to your situation and the stress it causes. No issue is ever too small to fret over. We love you...
I feel bad for posting this, because I really should just keep my mouth shut and not talk about this sort of thing here, but I’m just so worried. My dad’s been having some health problems for the past few months. He just works too hard and doesn’t take care of himself. He got back from an ultrasound today and there’s a mass in his kidney causing kidney failure. My...
Spent the day shopping with my sister
She had no summer clothes at all, so I went along for the ride and played fashion adviser. It was super fun. She’s pretty much the best sister ever. If they had some sort of scientific test to prove who was the best sister ever, she’d win. At science.
Glamorous Grannies →
I want this book so badly. I LOVE seeing women like this. It’s just the best thing ever.
queenofeden: salutationtothestars: I found the scariest house in the Sims 3. This is a pre-made Sim’s house, I was just poking around in it out of curiosity. It starts out all cutesy and sweet. And then I looked in the bedroom. “What’s with the color cha- OH GOD WHAT IS THAT FOR” IDK IF YOU CAN TELL BUT THAT’S A HUGE FREAKING MIRROR AND ALSO A BAR WITH LIT CANDLES ON IT and...
The text time I go sock shopping and the sales clerk hands me a packet of Hanes crew socks, I’m going to go, “Master has given Dobby a sock! Dobby is freeeeee!” And then I’m going to run around in circles until security escorts me out.
letyoursoul asked: WOO MORE ENGLISH MAJORS UP IN HERE also WHERE IS THIS FORMSPRING I demand to know! ;D
More Chamber of Secrets babbles
Are you seriously telling me that after 1,000 years, no one noticed that there was a giant snake-themed room underneath the Hogwarts toilets? Like, no one? At all? Even the wizard plumbers? Because I promise you that there are wizard plumbers. And a 1,000-year-old castle is going to need regular toilet maintenance. So you’re trying to tell me that not ONE wizard plumber—-NOT ONE in...
Chamber of Secrets is on
Two things: 1) “This is an ODD sort of place, isn’t it? Do you live here?” Kenneth Branagh needs to be president of life, and 2) I sincerely hope Ginny takes out a big life insurance policy on Harry after they’re married because seriously, he doesn’t know how NOT to almost die on a daily basis.